Lookstwice

"The complexity of life is a label we must wear
Snarled the vision of the dreamer
Condemned by his own dare
As a child I asked the questions
But only for their sake
Believing there were answers
Become my one mistake

"The holy morning paper
Slaps the steps at dawn
America’s doors open
Let’s see what’s going on
Confusion with our coffee
Fear and frosted flakes
The dollar takes another dive
Another bubble breaks

"A Shuffle offstage - a change of scene
The expose of the american dream
Watergate burglars comedy relief
Laugh at ideals survivng our grief
It’s fool’s gold for gilded fools
Playing gaily with twisted rules
Hail to the families in their tv rooms
Suicide, genocide, abortion, cartoons
Terrorism, violence, starving refugees
Conscience crucified, reality recedes
Nuclear tyrants, computerized plan,
Holding hostage everyman

"It’ won’t happen - 1950
It may happen - 1965
It will happen (Sound of an Atomic explosion here)
JUST DON’T THINK ABOUT IT !!!

"From dust to dust
Our lives fades away
We are the winds empty sighing
Vanity, all is vanity
All but the cross, all but his dying"
    - "American Dream" by Glenn Kaiser

This old song from the Rez Band has been coming back to me more and more often.  I hear Glenn singing it in my mind as I drive to work in the mornings, and it seems much more relevant to me than it did in the early 80’s.  Maybe because it’s looking like the idiot-monkeys may use an atomic weapon to usher in their new world order.  While we sit idly by sucking on the "glass teat" of TV.

   Every morning, as I’ve done the past 2 - 3 years, I start my day reading the uncensored news & views online.  I have nothing new to add to the daily litany of woe that we’re all witnessing.  We don’t have enough time left to fix our fuckup (civilazation) of the last 10,000 years.  We have no future.  I have no future.  (There was a future scheduled.  I was taught to expect one as I was being schooled in the ways of this ‘civilization’.)  But, each day I read the news.    Now, understand, I read both sides; not just the "doom & gloomers".  Often there are valid points made by the "hip & hopeful, believe in our ingenuity and ultimate resourcefulness" crowd.  Often there are valid points made by the "we’re the sane & sensible ones and you’re all just paranoid" crowd.  BUT!  The preponderance of the evidence points to the need for an "agonizing reappraisal" at the very LEAST, and NOT just "business as usual".  And I strongly suspect the reappraisal to bring us as a culture to the conclusion that it’s too late.  We have no future.  I have been advised by those who love me and those who don’t to not pay any attention to the shitty state of the world - and certainly not to speak of it!  "After all," they say, "What can you do about it?  Nothing, right?  So, it’s pointless to let it worry you so.  Just tend to your immediate orbit of friends and family.  Take care of today."  They don’t say that "tomorrow will take care of itself" though… they don’t believe in that lie anymore themselves. 

    I read the blogs every day, follow the links, and check the sources as much as I can.  Some things brought out of the dark and into the light are to be doubted and taken with a grain of salt.  Most are as sure as the sunrise, and spell out our demise to a greater or lesser degree.  Many, many times I cry quietly sitting at my desk at work during lunch, reading about the way we have totally screwed ourselves.  There’s no real hope present in any of this for me or any  of us.  I live "one day at a time" like my love keeps reminding me.  

    I stay afloat by telling myself that "I prefer the perception of Be-ing to a concept of a self" as Dr. PeSheWa of the Native American Church imparted to me years ago.  I meditate and medicate.  These things help.  There is no cure, because the ‘dis-ease’ isn’t inside me.  I can align the systems within my "self" to carry my Be-ing-ness thru this maelstrom as a standing wave and thereby experience a large degree of coherence and harmony.  I don’t feel guaranteed that this will bring eternal cohesion to my Be-ing when I passover to whatever awaits after I die, so this may be a vanity as well.  But it keeps me centered, and sometimes even serene in the here/now of this unbalanced life.  This life is the only undeniable certainty.  We’re dust filled with breath… is the breath eteranl sprirt?  A spiritual pursuit aimed primarily at the ‘afterlife’ (pie in the sky, by and by) and used to control the population is no answer to the litany of woes in the song, or on my news feed.  (The cross may not be vain to the songwriter quoted above, but it’s so obscured by the lies of religion that it’s inaccessable.)  I need, we all need, a god who is right here, right now.  Not one to rescue us with miracles, but one that is present and available to tune us up for the life and death struggle we are now beginning. 

    Open your door and walk outside.  Is your god there?  He is, but he may be buried under concrete, not yet risen from the dead… We need him or her back.  That Other that is with us "right where we are sitting now" is full of LIFE.